Vision Forum

So I posted that last blog post for a contest I entered to win a gift certificate from Vision Forum... and guess what!!! I won a $100 gift certificate! I'm over the moon excited!!!

Amazing dolls and products.

I've seen a lot about Vision Forum and I've even been to a seminar they were part of. I always thought it was just for homeschooling families, but it really is a lot more. They have a great range of Christian books, toys, amazingly beautiful dolls- way more than just homeschooling curriculum (but they have a lot of that, too!).

Too long, but God's still working

I haven't learned everything God has in store for me to learn. The past couple weeks have been really hard on me. Really, really hard. I don't feel like myself. I'm stressing beyond anything I've ever stressed before. Even when Daniel didn't have a job. I'm sure part of this has to do with my thyroid, but anyway... everything is getting me down right now. I've been insanely stressed over money right now. How ironic is that? We both have jobs and now I'm still stressed about money. Did I seriously not learn my lesson last time? I know in my head that the Lord is going to take care of me, but boy, something in me is going crazy. So I think God decided He needed to give me another reminder of His goodness and loving kindness. I've been worried about all the costs associated with the house we still own. We have someone paying the mortgage, but the taxes and insurance fall on us. Also, we have an $8000 tax credit on the house that needs paid back in a couple months. I could not figure out how in the world we were going to do that. This morning I woke up to an email from the lady renting our house. Her old house sold and she had started the paperwork to purchase our house. It was like God hit me in the head (again!!) and said, "Hello! I'm still taking care of you!" So for a little while, I felt great. But then all these doubts started creeping back in. About crazy things. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm back to the minute by minute process of telling myself that God is in control and He continues to take care of me. I guess that's where I need to be! I just can't figure out why I can't get it through my head!

The Future is here!!!!

It's been too long since I've written. Since I last wrote we did get a wonderful job. The one I kept writing and wondering about. The Lord really seemed to open the doors and almost kick us through them. I am working now, but it's great. I actually feel like I'm using the gifts God has for me. Now, along with that, there are challenges. I'm putting tons of pressure on myself for every little thing. I really need to relax and let the Lord work though me. There are also so many things to get done. I'm still very easily overwhelmed. Just little things like unpacking the house, getting it cleaned, finding time to pick music, trying to pick the "perfect" songs, figuring out the future of the music program here, figuring out what I want to wear everyday. Yeah, that overwhelms me (and that's a whole nother post I'll worry about later).

I must admit, that as much as I loved the closeness, trust and full reliance with God I've had the last few months has been insanely wonderful, it is a relief to have a paycheck coming in. I'm striving for that same closeness, trust and full reliance, but it's really easy to slip back. Luckily, now I'm leaning on God in a different way. He's provided the job, home and money (and honestly, the stress level has dropped dramatically), but now it's relying on Him for leading others in worship. Realizing it's all about Him and not my voice that still cracks all the time or the songs the congregation doesn't know. It's a new aspect in my walk with Him. I really have to remember and remind myself of that now.

On a side note, if you haven't checked out Laura Story's song Blessings. You HAVE to! ASAP... go now!! This is the best song I've heard in a very long time. I just completely love it and can't wait for the track to come out. It really speaks to me, even though we've come out of that valley now, I know there are more to come. I hope it speaks to you in a powerful way as well.

The Future

Things are looking very, very good right now. Very good. The Lord has taken care of us over the last few months. He has provided beyond anything we could imagine. Now, it seems that He is getting ready to provide even beyond that. I'm in utter awe over how He has worked things out. I shouldn't be... well... yes, I should be. He is God and He does amazing things. I still need to trust Him. I need to remember that when things are still going good, it needs to be a minute by minute decision to trust Him and rely on Him. In some ways, I'm sad. This time of fully living by faith are coming to an end. That's not true, though. Every day, I need to be fully living by faith. I need to remember that, too. I'm just so stinking excited to see how He's worked over the last 4 months. I had no idea how He would work things out and to see how His hand has worked is just... amazing. And to see what He has in store for us soon, just humbles me to no end. I just can't believe what He's done. We really don't deserve this. Oh, sweet grace... It really puts tears in my eyes.

I will admit, I'm still scared. I'm scared that the plans will fall through. But, if they do, God is still God and He has a reason. But, I also have faith that this is God's plan. This is what He had in store for us from the beginning. I feel like I'm in such a weird place. I want to shout from the rooftops and celebrate, but I am still holding back afraid things will change. Obviously, I'm a huge jumble of emotions. I'm so happy my mom comes tomorrow. I need my mommy right now!

So here's to the next chapter (hopefully). I believe it's going to be a great one!

I choose...

to trust. I choose to trust. I choose to trust. I choose to trust.

Excitement

Daniel and I have an interview with a church tomorrow (on Skype). It's very nerve racking for me. I haven't been in an interview for about 7 years... yikes! I'm also still not too sure about working. But tomorrow is kinda a get to know them and what they are expecting of the job. Who knows... this might be really great!

On another good note, a big stress has been selling our house. How are we going to get another place to live and afford it and get our house sold... etc. Well, we heard a rumor today that the church has a house we can live in. That would be amazing and a great answer to prayer! So keep praying everyone. Even if this isn't the place (which I'm really hoping it is), God is still working.

Hope!

We got a reply from a church! A very positive reply. Possibly even me working part time at the church. I was up half the night just thinking about working. I won't do it if it means putting the girls in daycare. I know we might be weird about that, but long before we were married, Daniel and I decided that one of us would be home with our children. It's really important to us. I love being a stay at home Mommy. I'm not sure how I would feel about doing something else. Hopefully, I'll have more great news in the future, but for now, just pray for direction and peace and clarity.

The Wait...

Now is when my faith is really tested. It was easy to say I was trusting God to provide for us when we were still getting severance pay, but now is when the "rubber hits the road." Now we have no money coming in, haven't heard back from any churches... well two, but I'll talk about them later. Now is when trust really comes in to play. Now is when my doubt is really trying to take over. Now it's not a weekly reminder or even a daily reminder of God being in control. Now it's a minute by minute reminder. Every time I think about it, I have to tell myself God is in control. And I must admit, I'm failing some minutes. More than some, I'm failing quite a few minutes. My head knows God is in control. My head knows he's going to take care of us. Deep down, my heart knows it's true, but getting them to match up is not working so well.

We've had a lot of wonderful conversations with different pastors. Unfortunately, none of them are looking for full time youth pastors. One in particular sounded just perfect for us. Daniel called and the pastor told us it was just a volunteer position now. But then, they proceeded to talk for 30 minutes. They found out they have the exact same vision for youth ministry. They ended the call with prayer and we thought that was the end of it. Great church, going through hard time and sadly not for us. We got a call the next day. It was the pastor asking what it would take to bring Daniel to the church monetarily, not that they could do it... just out of curiosity. We figured it out and called and he said, yeah, there was no way they could even come close to that. But, he ended it by saying there was a bunch of people praying about it. So if you think about it pray for the church. It's going through a hard time, but sounds like a wonderful place. God works in amazing ways. Who knows what might come from this.

Another pastor we talked to only had a part time position available right now. But he really liked Daniel and asked for his resume to hold onto and pass it out if he heard anything. Again, who knows what doors God might open through that.

God's working... honestly, not how I think He should be working. But... He created the universe. He keeps the universe going. Absolutely everything that is going on is because He knows what He's doing. If I was in control, everything would fall apart. Everything. I can't keep my laundry up to date, there's no way I could keep the world up to date. Why do I think I know what's best for my life? Because I'm me... still trying to learn my lessons... and waiting...