The Dark of Night

Is it just me or does everything seem worse during the middle of the night. Since Daniel has been without work, I've been up every morning at 4:00 and the stress just seems to overwhelm me. During the day, there isn't nearly the anxiousness. I remember all the times that God has provided in the past. I think about when we got married, not 100% sure of a job and Daniel was offered two positions and started one right after we got back from our honeymoon. I remember how when that job ended he was offered two positions and started one immediately after the other job ended. I remember how He provided the down payment for our house, provided all the appliances and amazingly discounted rates, provided the flooring so we could afford it. He's provided plenty of food for us to eat, plenty of money to pay the medical bills from having our beautiful daughters. Provided EVERYTHING. I shouldn't be surprised. So why in the middle of the night do I forget all of it?

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34

These have been my favorite verses... well for as long as I can remember. For my graduation sermon, I picked this passage to be preached on. If someone asks me my favorite verses, I say these. I know these verses by heart and they are such a comfort in the hard times. For some reason, I can remember these verses in the middle of the night, but they don't bring the comfort they usually do. Maybe I'm just weird. I don't know what it is. All I know is I am happy for the light of day when the fear and worry fades away (well for the most part). I guess that's true about life in general. The light drives out the boogyman, the shadows, the creepy-crawlies... pretty much everything scary. Interesting, isn't it?

Life is full of change

Ok, Chris! Just for you.

I'm not a big change person. I like to plan and I like knowing the plan. In college, every Monday morning I would write down every hour of every day in the next week and what I was going to do that hour. And, for the most part, I kept the exact same schedule every week. I know... it might seem obsessive, but that's how I made it through the week. I was less stressed when I knew what was happening. Now that I'm older and a mom, I can't do that nearly as well. My kids are on a strict schedule~ not as bad as when Linley was a baby. She went to bed exactly at the same time every night and ate the EXACT time everyday... not even a minute different. Now, they eat within about 30 minutes of the exact time, go to bed within 30 minutes, but if something comes up, I'm more flexible about it. But life happens. Someone gets sick or I don't feel like doing what was planned or whatever. Plans change.

Some more changes are heading in my life in the future. Shocking, I know. There is always change and nothing I do can prevent that change. But, what I'm learning is that it isn't necessarily bad. I'm getting older... I'm 28... 28... That is so hard for me to admit. I still feel 18... not over halfway to 50, lol! I have a 2 year old who's going on 16 and a one year old who talks, walks and screams. Those changes aren't bad... well the screaming thing isn't all that good, but you get my point.

Most importantly, I'm learning that God allows the change and encourages it. In my case, change forces me to rely fully on Him. You say, aren't you supposed to be fully relying on Him anyway? Yes, I am, but yes I think I can do it myself sometimes (ok... so maybe more than sometimes, haha!). Also, I need to change my heart daily so I don't become stagnant in my walk with Him. I need to be constantly changing and getting closer to Him.

So to sum up my rambling that I'm pretending is a coherent blog post... Life changes... I can't change that... Grrr, lol! But God doesn't change and really that's all that matters